And No More Shall We Hurt
by Pineapple Bacardi
Summary: Slash. Set after 'Love Reminds Us'. In the aftermath of Gwen and Lancelot's affair, Merlin finds himself having hope once again. Arthur/Merlin.


_Everybody bleeds this way, just the same, and if everybody goes away, I will stay._

Merlin absolutely hated everything about the idea of being Court Sorcerer.

To be honest, Merlin didn't quite understand the meaning of it. The first few years he spent in Camelot he had to struggle to keep his magic hidden, showing that part of him, a part of _himself_, could eventually get him executed. It was different to now live in a world where magic was once again completely acceptable, and even encouraged by some. Arthur had told him several times that it was because of Merlin, but of course, that sounded slightly absurd to Merlin. Arthur kept insisting that this was so, however, since Uther had been so ignorant when it came to magic and when Arthur became King he had at once lifted the ban on magic and had appointed Merlin Court Sorcerer.

It was not only the absurdity of the idea, though. Merlin had already gotten past that, as strange as it seemed. The robes were horrible and they actually made Merlin want to quit the job at the spot, but of course, Arthur would hear none of it. Arthur had actually insisted on several occasions that the golden-and-red robes made Merlin look a little more decent. Merlin had snorted at that. It was not only the robes though, it was the constant travelling. Of course, Merlin really had nothing against travelling. He liked seeing different parts of Albion, it interested Merlin, but some of the looks he got from some of the higher respected families in the country, when he was introduced as the High Court Sorcerer of Camelot, made Merlin feel really uneasy. Arthur had told him that it would take some time before everybody would be convinced that magic could be used for good.

Let's not even talk about some of the spells people wanted to learn. Merlin had replied, quite guiltily so, to the people that magic should never be used for personal gain, only to protect and save people. Arthur had thrown him a meaningful glance at that. Of course, there were many amazing things about being Court Sorcerer as well; Merlin never again had to worry about someone finding out about his magic. He could finally be himself without fear or repercussions. Recently, Arthur had also put in a motion to make Merlin his official advisor and right-hand which Merlin thought was down-right idiotic and suicidal and Merlin had no idea why on Earth Arthur would want _him _as an official advisor, even though Merlin had given Arthur a lot of advice lately _unofficially. _But he was _Merlin, _what did he know about war strategies and what-not?

Merlin absolutely hated the idea of being Court Sorcerer, but he could never quite hate _being _Court Sorcerer.

Merlin hated admitting it, but being Court Sorcerer also brought him closer to Arthur. He knew that Arthur knew that as well. Merlin didn't know if that was the reason he'd been appointed Court Sorcerer but he doubted it, Merlin believed that Arthur truly saw the potential in his magic. However, being Court Sorcerer forced Merlin to work closely with Arthur every single day. And of course that meant, most of the days, that Merlin worked closely with Gwen as well. Or Queen Guinevere as he should address her. Or perhaps not anymore.

The door opening brought Merlin out of his deep thoughts and turned around, alert. Arthur walked in, looking weary and tired, as if he had just returned from a blood-thirsty battle. Grief and anger coursed through Merlin's body at seeing Arthur in this state. He never thought he could dislike Gwen as much as he did in that moment.

"I'm so sorry," Merlin muttered helplessly, not quite sure what else to say.

"Did you know about them?" Arthur asked him, trying to keep a stoic face.

"No," Merlin shook his head. He never knew. "She never told me anything."

Finding out about Gwen and Lancelot had indeed stunned Merlin. He knew that the three of them had all been close friends once but Merlin never knew just how close Gwen and Lancelot had gotten. Merlin was being a hypocrite. He couldn't help glancing over at the bed where at the beginning of Arthur and Gwen's marriage Arthur had taken Merlin to bed instead of Gwen. He might be angry at Gwen for tearing Arthur down like this but a few years ago Merlin and Arthur had done the exact same thing to her. Over time both Merlin and Arthur learned to restrain themselves, perhaps they learned it with age but for Merlin it seemed harder every single year to stay away from Arthur.

"I'm sorry," Arthur whispered, glancing over at Merlin with exhaustion and a slight agony in those ocean-vast blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked, taken back.

"How I must have tortured you these last few years," Arthur said quietly, looking over at his friend and former lover with pain in his eyes.

Merlin's breath caught in his throat and for a moment he struggled to get a breath out, but when he finally did, his head was spinning. Apprehension filled his whole body, he knew what was coming but he wasn't ready for this moment. For so many years, Merlin had kept telling himself that it would never be him and Arthur again, that time would _never_ come again for them, and slowly and painfully Merlin had accepted that. Right after the wedding and the coronation, both Merlin and Arthur had struggled in vain to stay away from each other and they kept ending back in each other's arms and each other's beds but with time came _restraint. _

Merlin wasn't ready for this, even though his whole body was aching for Arthur in _ever_ysingle way. Merlin wanted him so badly that it was unbearable at times.

"Arthur," Merlin breathed as Arthur took a few steps closer.

"It should not have been like this," Arthur said and Merlin took a few shaky steps back. Arthur gazed into Merlin's eyes. "How did we end up here, Merlin?"

Merlin swallowed, his palms breaking out in sweat. "You became King and you married Gwen," Merlin replied simply and quietly.

"How very observant of you, _Mer_lin," Arthur snorted and shook his head. "You must be the worst advisor I have ever had."

"I am not your advisor yet," Merlin said with a slight smile.

"True," Arthur nodded, a small smile spreading across his face as he looked at Merlin.

"What happens now?" Merlin asked, already knowing the answer. He knew very well what would happen now.

"What should happen?" Arthur gave a shrug. "Life goes on, my father ruled Camelot without a queen, who is to say I can't?" Merlin gave a jerky nod. "Besides, I have you," Arthur finished, pulling slightly at the hem of Merlin's robes, looking down.

Reluctance mixed in with sweet desire rushed quickly through Merlin. "Arthur-"

Whatever Merlin was about to say quickly fled his mind as Arthur bent down to claim his lips and Merlin let out a loud involuntary moan as Arthur slipped calloused fingers underneath his robes, fingering the muscles in his back. Everything felt so _right, _so _perfect, _like finally everything had found its way to the right place. Merlin closed his eyes and gasped and Arthur took full advantage of it, slipping his tongue into Merlin's mouth, searching, seeking, probing. It felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest because of all that pounding and Merlin let his hand travel up to Arthur's chest, just to see if he is having the same effect on Arthur. But something in Merlin snapped, and he pulled back, bringing him back to reality, gasping.

"Wait, wait," Merlin whispered, his fingers still tangled in Arthur's tunic, foreheads leaning against each other. His breathing was ragged and for a second he couldn't remember what to say at all. All he knew was that he _wanted _Arthur and he was aching for it.

"Wait?" Arthur grinned breathlessly, his fingers stroking Merlin's cheek. "I have waited for us to be together for 7 years. I am done waiting." Arthur just smiled, pressing his lips against Merlin's against, his hands raking through Merlin's dark locks, pulling, and Arthur nibbled and kissed at the exposed neck.

"Arthur, Arthur," Merlin mumbled against Arthur's hair. "We can't."

Arthur pulled back abruptly, and Merlin opened his eyes, gazing into Arthur's conflicted ones. Arthur sighed, pushing his body against Merlin's small frame, trapping him against the wall. "Yes, we can," Arthur said, his voice husky-low and filled with want. "God, I've missed you," Arthur ran his lips across Merlin's cheek, pulling at Merlin's lip with his teeth. "I've missed feeling you. These last few years have been absolute torture. Restraining myself when it comes to you is not one of my strengths."

Arthur pressed a series of feather-light kisses all over Merlin's face, one above his eyebrow, on his temple, nose, cheek, chin, and finally lips. "You drive me absolutely crazy," Arthur muttered against Merlin's lips.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered again and Arthur stopped, pulling back, the pain in Merlin's voice halting him. "Arthur, we've done this before. It ended with your marriage to Gwen. I can't…" Merlin's voice cracked. "I can't go through something like that again."

Arthur breathed slowly, smoothing back some of Merlin's hair off his forehead and kissed it. "You won't," he murmured against his skin. Arthur pulled away and looked at Merlin, his eyes filled with promise. Merlin always believed in him. "And trust me; I am _never _getting married again." Merlin snorted in laughter at that and Arthur joined in, kissing Merlin again in sheer joy.

"Wait, so this is it?" Merlin pulled back once more, putting his hands on Arthur's chest.

"Yes, this is it," Arthur groaned in frustration. "I swear, Merlin, if you don't shut up soon and just kiss me _I_ will shut you up for you. This is it." He grabbed Merlin's hand, squeezing it against his chest.

Merlin swallowed against the lump in this throat. "What about Gwen and Lancelot? What will happen to them?"

"They're together, and they won't be coming back again," there was resolution and determination in Arthur's voice. "They're gone. We're here. This is it. I am not leaving again."

Somehow, that felt like enough for Merlin. He had felt so alone for so long. He just needed Arthur again. He cupped Arthur's face and kissed him frantically, giving in, and it felt so _right,_ and Arthur wrapped his arms his waist, pulling him even closer, pressing their frames together. Merlin grasped at Arthur's hair, biting his neck, licking a small stripe of heat across it and Arthur's body shuddered against Merlin's. Arthur's lips captivated Merlin's once again in a messy and hungry and needy kiss. Merlin whimpered as Arthur grinded against him and Merlin arched into him, gasping for air. He tried to remind himself that he needed to breathe or he'd probably end up unconscious soon. Merlin pressed himself closer against Arthur, needing more skin, more warmth, more of everything.

They stood there for a while, against the wall, just kissing and grinding and moaning loudly until the friction alone wasn't enough and they were both nearly mad with need. They slowly made their way towards the bed, shedding clothes on their way, doing everything in their power so they wouldn't have to stop kissing and touching each other. It proved to be a little difficult, but they managed. They fell down on the bed, Arthur kissing his way across Merlin's chest and Merlin could barely _think._

Merlin tugged at Arthur's hair and Arthur came up to meet his lips. "God, Merlin, I missed you," voice deep and husky.

"I want you inside of me," Merlin whispered into Arthur's ear and he wasn't quite sure if it was his shudder of Arthur's that vibrated through his body.

Arthur pushed himself off Merlin, and Merlin almost moaned at the loss of contact. He returned soon enough and the next few minutes felt like only small, white flashes in Merlin's hazy mind. Arthur looking at him with longing, then Arthur was on top of him again, and then inside of him, and inside his soul and mind and Merlin cried out, the feeling of being complete filling him. Merlin had missed this so much that he couldn't quite believe it was happening again. He had given up long ago on ever feeling Arthur like this again, skin against skin, Arthur kissing him everywhere, moving inside of him. And it felt so right and flawless, like finally everything was in its right place again. Finally. Arthur groaned in ecstasy and they moved together, almost desperately, bringing each other to edge before they knew what was happening.

A few moments later they were resting in each other's arms, naked and trembling, limbs tangled together, pressed as close to each other's bodies as humanly possible. Arthur trailed small kisses on Merlin's shoulder, as Merlin breathed deeply, struggling to get his heartbeat back to normal. Merlin pressed into Arthur's warmth, treasuring every second of it. Arthur's hand travelled down Merlin's arm, interlacing their fingers.

"I've been thinking," Merlin whispered, his voice still hoarse.

"Oh, this isn't good," Arthur chuckled, his voice breathy in Merlin's ear.

"I don't think I should be your advisor," Merlin replied back, serious.

"Perhaps you're right about that," Arthur's arms snaked around Merlin's waist, pulling him against Arthur's strong chest.

"But it is all well, I can still be Court Sorcerer, I don't mind that much," Merlin said, turning around to face Arthur.

Arthur smiled softly. "I bet you don't."

Merlin smiled back and leaned over and pressed his lips gently against Arthur's. For the first time in a long time Merlin felt like there might be some light on the horizon after all. He burrowed into Arthur's side, falling asleep peacefully. They repeated it the next night as well, and the night after that, and the next night after _that, _and a few months later Merlin finally started to believe that things would be different this time. Now they just needed to figure out a way to beat Mordred's army at Camlann, but they had each other and Merlin _believed _that everything would be all right.


End file.
